My child stopped talking
Question:
: Hello : My son Ray is 5.5 years old. After relocation to a new apartment, he got : fears from movies and stories. Four days later, he almost stopped talking. : At the days he talked, he didn’t communicate as he did before. This : situation last 4 months where there were days he talked. The days he didn’t : speak were usually after awaking in the middle of the night. Today Ray : talks only in extreme situations like thirst, pain .etc. and then he is : saying minimal praises. : If someone has ideas how to handle Ray’s problem, please guide me. : : John Alperin : This is not a newsgroup/amateur hour problem. Get medical evaluation, now … do not pass go…do not wait until you can "afford" it ….. would you like to go to jail for child abuse like the mother of the obese girl?: Doris F.:
Response:
Hello My son Ray is 5.5 years old. After relocation to a new apartment, he got fears from movies and stories. Four days later, he almost stopped talking. At the days he talked, he didn’t communicate as he did before. This situation last 4 months where there were days he talked. The days he didn’t speak were usually after awaking in the middle of the night. Today Ray talks only in extreme situations like thirst, pain .etc. and then he is saying minimal praises. If someone has ideas how to handle Ray’s problem, please guide me. John Alperin
You are eligible for free help through your local school district. Contact them about an evaluation with a speech pathologist. The school specialists can work with you for a plan to help Ray. Do this right away. Four months is long enough to have waited for Ray to recover on his own. Tina Phelps
Response:
John you may want to contact The Amer Occ. Ther Assn. and be put in touch with an OT who specializes in Neurodevelopmental training. Also Acupuncture can help–no he is not too you. Herbs can also help. In acupuncture fear is related to Kidney Qi deficiency and if the Kidney is tonified with acupuncture and herbs and the body is balanced the fear dissipates and sypmtoms will go. This is not a diagnosis, more information and examination would be necessary. If you are interested in taking this road which is not as invasive as some contact the Natl Comm for the Cert. of Ac. in Washington DC 2022321404. Good luck!
Response:
Just to let you know that you are not alone– John Travolta’s son is six years old. He is not deaf, nor has he any vision problems. He is not autistic. He follows direction well, so it appears that his comprehension is normal. He has never spoken a word. It remains a mystery as to why. Simerion
Response:
It doesn’t sound like there is anything physically wrong with him since he’s never had this problem before. From the tone of your letter I got the impression that he’s distressed. Something is really freaking him out and I seriously doubt it’s movies or nightmares. Four months is a long time – get this kid professional help ASAP. It’s obviously not something that’s going away.
Response:
Please seek psychological help for this child. It may be simple or it may be extremely complex, but get help from someone that can see and interact (although perhaps one-sided) with your son.
Response:
My sympathy to you, it must be very difficult to deal with a problem as unique as this. My son won’t shut up. I don’t know what I would do if he suddenly did. I do have some questions for you though. 1. Was there an announcement by your son, however vague, that he felt it necessary to stop talking? 2. Do you know exactly which stories and scenes of movies upset him? Have you sat down and rewatched them with him with a view to explain and demystify them? 3. Who is primary babysitter and did this person change when you moved? 4. How many members in your household? 5. Does your son talk in school? Sunday school? Playgroup? 6. What happens if he is not responded to unless he speaks? 7. Does/did he have a blankie or stuffed toy that he relies on for comfort or does he have any habits that fit the same category, such as thumb sucking? 8. Does he compensate for lack of verbalization by drawing a lot or some other method? Is he physically affectionate? Would you consider his body language to be normally expressive? 9. Does he talk in his sleep? 10. Can he read? Can he see? Can he hear well? 11. Does your son consider himself a ‘good boy’? Each of my questions would give a different piece to the puzzle that you must work on. Q#1 Was to see how much of a conscious decision your son made, or was it a more purely emotional, fear based reaction. Q#2 was to address your first suspect in what made him shut up. Q#3 is a 2 pointer. First, he might have been traumatized by a broken attachment. Second, unfortunately a great deal of the child abuse that we see today, be it sexual, physical, or emotional, can be attributed to one of the child’s caretakers. Q#4 addresses the same issue. Is it possible that a resident or visitor to your son has impressed upon him the need to keep a secret so well that he thinks it is safer to be completely silent and thereby ensure that he won’t give it away? Five year olds can be quite heroic in that regard, they are capable of taking huge responsibility for others without adults being aware of it. Unfortunately they don’t know what is possible or not. To wildly speculate as an example: Suppose your son believes with all his heart that if he’s quiet he guarantees that you will come home from work? Irrational–but he doesn’t know. Q#5 is to determine if his behavior is location specific, possibly punishment oriented. Q#6 to explore how attached he is to his silence? How important is it to maintain? What makes him speak besides pain or hunger? Q#7 again illustrates the type of personality that we are dealing with. If your child IS one that requires support paraphenalia, then certain traumas might affect him a great deal more than a more independent child simply because of his more delicate emotional state. That also gives an idea of how carefully one must step when trying to get him to communicate. Some children are better under pressure than others, whatever it is that they see as pressure. Q#8 might give an indication of the degree of emotional shutdown that has occurred. It sometimes happens that the longer you are quiet the harder it is to speak. It is an almost superhuman effort to open your mouth, and when you do it doesn’t sound right. The other parts of the communication system atrophy at a steady rate unless the individual is somehow reminded that they are not in fact isolated. One must also consider that there are many types of autism, not all of which are completely debilitating. You might explore that as well. Q#9 addresses the fact that his extended silences usually occur when he wakes up the previous night. You might consider leaving a baby moniter on next to a recording device in order to catch any clues, including those to be found in your conversation immediately after he wakes. If this is done in secret you could also ensure that noone is visiting your son at night without your knowledge. That is a painful and nauseating concept, and I do apologize, but it must be considered. It is never impossible. If your son has trouble returning to sleep you might take advantage by asking him to draw a picture of his dream (before he forgets it). This can also be done in regular intervals during daytime. It might help you, and any pictures will definitely help a therapist should you consult one. The colours used, the size of the elements in the drawing, and of course the theme, tell a lot about the child’s personality and emotional state and how he/she views the world. Q#10 is basic. Not to bring my personal life into this exchange too much, but I was considered very stupid and antisocial for the years between 4 and 7 because noone was aware that my eustachean tubes had closed and I had gone almost completely deaf. Easily fixed by surgery–but easily overlooked in the first place. I stopped talking because I couldn’t get a good sound level. It was simply too much effort. As to whether he can read, just another question to determine his level of disconnect. Is he a one way street, absorbing, or does he block everything? Q#11–the good boy question is a biggie. If the answer, however obtained, is ‘no’. Then it is urgent that you find out why. Is it because his siblings ’shine’ more in the household? did his schoolmates or friends convince him that he is unacceptable? did a pet die, does he feel guilty? Does he have that larger "Big people games" secret to carry around? Was there a disruption in the family? Remember that five year olds have an almost overdeveloped sense of guilt. They will take responsibility and punish themselves for some amazing things. I hope that you find some part of this useful. I am sorry that it was so long. If answering any of these questions for yourself leads to a better relationship with your son I would be pleased for you. If you have any specific questions feel free to email me. I do not speak as a medical or pschological proffessional, but I am reasonably knowledgeable and also the mother of a six year old that has had his share of behavioral problems. Good Luck, Dawn (Simerion)
Response:
Hello My son Ray is 5.5 years old. After relocation to a new apartment, he got fears from movies and stories. Four days later, he almost stopped talking. At the days he talked, he didn’t communicate as he did before. This situation last 4 months where there were days he talked. The days he didn’t speak were usually after awaking in the middle of the night. Today Ray talks only in extreme situations like thirst, pain .etc. and then he is saying minimal praises. If someone has ideas how to handle Ray’s problem, please guide me. John Alperin
Response:
:Hello :My son Ray is 5.5 years old. After relocation to a new apartment, he got :fears from movies and stories. Four days later, he almost stopped talking. :At the days he talked, he didn’t communicate as he did before. This :situation last 4 months where there were days he talked. The days he didn’t :speak were usually after awaking in the middle of the night. Today Ray :talks only in extreme situations like thirst, pain .etc. and then he is :saying minimal praises. :If someone has ideas how to handle Ray’s problem, please guide me. : :John Alperin : : : Look into what *really* started this. If you find that, you might have the solution. Otherwise, seek professional help for him. Nex "Ah, if in this world there were no such thing as cherry blossoms, perhaps then in springtime our hearts would be at peace." Ariwara no Narihira
Response:
I don’t know your son, but I know that when my (3 year old) son is quiet for any length of time like that, it is usually because he is either ill or worried about something. He just doesn’t answer or speak for a while, eventually something will trigger off a reaction and it’s usually bursting into tears. He has spent his ‘quiet’ time in trying to cope! It is difficult. It sounds like possibly your son was more disturbed by moving to a new apartment than at first thought, which could have made him more vulnerable to worries about other things. He may not be aware of exactly what is bothering him himself, so it may help if you ask him if there is anything frightening or bothering him, every so often, and making it clear that you are there to listen if he wants to say anything. It may then surface in apparently innocuous comments that you could listen to and ask him about. Also, asking him directly how he feels about having moved may be a good idea. Maybe he’s missing friends or worried about a new school. We assume they will cope with these changes, but we also worried about them when we were young – a school can be a jungle for kids. I’m not an expert – I can only suggest that you be alert for any hints of what might be bothering your child. Of course, it may be that he’s just not feeling well for some reason. Best wishes, Julie
Response:
Hello My son Ray is 5.5 years old. After relocation to a new apartment, he got fears from movies and stories. Four days later, he almost stopped talking. At the days he talked, he didn’t communicate as he did before. This situation last 4 months where there were days he talked. The days he didn’t speak were usually after awaking in the middle of the night. Today Ray talks only in extreme situations like thirst, pain .etc. and then he is saying minimal praises. If someone has ideas how to handle Ray’s problem, please guide me. John Alperin
Dear John: Some suggestions that might provide some help. I used to have a lot of nightmares, really disturbing wild ones. I stopped eating meat, chicken, fish and animal products except milk and eggs. Shortly thereafter (a few weeks), my nightmares gradually stopped. If you think that nightmares are making your child wake up in the middle of the night, trying a meatless diet might help. Yogic wisdom says that eating animals makes one more agitated and emotional. My experience seems to confirm this. It is often inconvenient compared to the standard American diet, but in my opinion, is well worth the peace of mind and calm that I feel. Be very careful about what your child watches on television. Most of what’s on there is violent and just plan garbage that children don’t need to see. Especially the news. Have you tried talking with your child and just generally spending more time with him/her. Perhaps introducing spirituality might also help your child feel more secure and protected. Praying always helps me feel better. Is your child in daycare? If you feel the situation is serious enough, perhaps your spouse should consider staying home with your child until he/she is older so he/she feels more secure. Best of luck.
